Thursday, June 26, 2008
Confused
So I've thought a lot about whether or not to post this. I suppose I am just to get it out there. So here goes nothing! Jeff and I started looking at houses before we were even married...but after looking at a few we decided it wasn't the right time to buy...so again we looked at about our 10 month mark...we found a few we were interested in but it didn't feel right. So again we backed out. We moved in with Jeff's parents to save some money and the new plan was to wait til May of 08 to look again. Well, in July of 07 I was fiddling around on the internet and found this house in Syracuse. I didn't mention anything to Jeff for like a week because we had decided it wasn't the time to buy. Well after a week I couldn't contain myself and I asked him to just go look at it so I would know it wasn't the house for us. Well we walked in and it was perfect...so we bought it (thanks Hollie!) Well we moved in and it wasn't what we expected. I mean the house was perfect. We loved it and had an awesome time decorating it and buying new things. We knew our little Riley was on the way and that made it an even more exciting adventure. However, no one knew we existed. I had to go out and search for a neighbor who was outside one Saturday and summon the courage to ask them if they were LDS and when and where Church was. Even after that was done we still didn't meet anyone. We went to Church and went unnoticed. I HATED going. One day in RS I started bawling because I didn't want to be there and felt so stupid. We were the outsiders, no kids, super young, and no one knew we were there. Well I prayed and prayed and realized I needed to reach out if something was going to change. So then I got a visiting teaching assignment and I met a few more sisters. But it was only a matter of time and Jeff and I got called into the primary (well really the nursery) and again the getting to know you STOPPED. Sure we know everyone's kids but that does a whole lot of nothing for us. Well then in March we had Riley and in May I started back at the salon in Ogden. So now Jeff and I are both working in Ogden but living in Syracuse with NO friends. It's been almost a YEAR and we have nothing to show for it. We don't hang out with anyone here...we always end up in Ogden with our old friends. Maybe we need to make more of an effort. And for those of you who are reading this who live in Syracuse please don't feel like this is a blog to beg you to be our friend. My real question is...are we in the right place? Do we belong in Syracuse? Should we be in Ogden? That seems to be logical. We moved out here because we thought it was the right place to raise our family...but now I wonder. I don't know what to do. I've looked in Ogden for houses and found a few. But I don't want to pay capital gains tax...I don't want to sell our house (I'd like to transplant it) I don't want to have the physical hassle of moving but I DO want to be happy, I want to be close to work to stop paying so much in gas, I want to LOVE my ward and feel excited to go there and be accepted. With all that said, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I'm sorry this is so long. Right now this is my inner struggle and I'm not sure which way to pull...
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9 comments:
I've been here longer than you and I can count on one hand the people that I think I can really consider as friends. The rest are all just people I say hi to at church. I know it kinda sucks, but Marc says we can't ever move again :) We looked out here about 3 times in 5 years and finally this time seemed right, but then we were here and it was like "great. now what?" we both drive to SL for work, which sucks, all our family is in SL, and we know no one out here. So I know how you feel :( And you can't go anywhere because you are on my friend list...I don't need it any smaller!
CARRIE PLEASE let me be your friend! So let me just tell you that I felt the exact same way as you, I'm not kidding. we moved in Oct '05 and only in the last year do I finally feel like I know a bunch of people and I don't have to be afraid to go to RS. Just ask Nate, I would come home from church every week and cry--just like you--because I felt so stupid, like I'd sit by myself and then I'd feel guilty cause I wasn't reaching out to anyone either, and then I'd hate myself. Anytime an enrichment night rolled around that I could GO TO cause I worked, too, I'd debate and go back and forth on whether I should go--I knew I should go to make friends but then I'd be like WHO am I going to sit by and I'd get so so nervous and talk myself out of it. But then I think what changed is Stacy Frasure I don't know if you knew her, she moved, but she invited me to walk with her and her little boy in the mornings cause I'd just had Jenna. Then Malissa Garfield joined us, and just knowing TWO people helped so much cause then I'd just hope they were in RS so I could sit by them. Anyway blogs have helped a ton too. This is getting so long, and you should do whatever you feel is right but nate and I have said for a long time now that we need to invite you guys over since you live so close and WE hardly know anyone in our "horse-shoe" either, really it is more lonely over here. But I can count on 1 hand how many times we've invited people over from the ward so we're not exactly super social that way. BUT let's officially get together okay? And I'm officially inviting you and your little guy to come out walking around 8:30 in the mornings, I still go meet Malissa and now Hillary's been coming, and you can come too, then I won't be so lonely walking clear over to their neighborhood all by myself. You can if you want to anyway. OKAY this is my FOREVER LONG comment I just want you to feel better cause things got better for me too.
I think it's hard out in Utah to get way close to a ward because a lot of people have family close by. Out here in New York, your ward basically is your family. Hang in there though. One thing I try to do is look for someone else who looks lonely because then you can feel like you're helping someone else out, not begging for a friend.
Just know that you guys are great and that even though you don't feel like it right now, things will get better!
tee hee. you're asking the wrong person...cause all i'll say is COME BACK TO OGDEN!!!!!!!!!
:)
but, i DO hope you start to feel happier in Syracuse.
(Ogden, Ogden, Ogden....)
Oh Carrie, I feel like a jerk for not knowing you better. I know it was not the intent of your post to make anyone feel that way, but I do! I know that you defiately are not the only one who has felt this way. My observation is that there is such a HUGE turnaround in this ward, that if someone sees you and doesn't know you, they're scared to ask if you are new for fear you will say, "no, we've lived here for a year!" Then they look like a total idiot! We have been here for a little over 2 years now, and I feel like I can finally say that it's home.
I think if you give it time, things will get better and you will make more friends, but I also think that if you want to move you should. We HATE the drive to the freeway. For that reason alone, we will probably move in a year or two. I know you will make the best choice for your family. Hopefully you will at least stick around for me to get to know a little better! SOOOOO sorry it didn't happen sooner!
Oh, by the way, I was SOOO excited when I came across your blog, and you had a link to our blog on it! It totally made my day. It validated my self worth!! ha ha ha!
It is so sad how we have all felt this way at one time or another in our lives. In this situation though my personal thought on it is this ... A year or two ago our wards were split so we had new people to get to know and then all the new houses that were being built didn't help either. I think that everyone felt so new that we were waiting for people to come say hi to us or befriend us yet they were new as well. It feels as though it has been a cycle of everyone waiting (I did it too so I am not in any way blaming anyone for doing so). Does any of this makes sense? It made ALOT more sense in my head! Anyway, I know that after reading your blog and knowing that alot of people are feeling this very same way, I am going to try ALOT harder to go out of my way and notice people and talk to them. I feel really bad that it was only 2 weeks ago that I finally even knew who you were, Carrie. I knew your name but I never put the name with the face. Your blog title is "confused" For me, mine would be "ashamed". Ashamed that I have not gone out of my way to get to know all of you wonderful people. I wish you all the best. But, until you move lets get to know each other. Who knows ... you might even like it here if we all get to know each other better.
OK, so I know you posted this awhile ago...but I just found your blog last night! I almost cried when I read it because I have felt the EXACT same way since being here. I'm not kidding. I think I cried everyday for days and weeks and months. I hated feeling sad, but more so I hated how I felt like I was in Syberia or something with no friends and no one to talk to or sit by or ANYTHING at church. So, I can totally relate. However, things are finally better. I've got a couple of really good friends now, and Kyle gave me a blessing (duh, why didn't I think of that sooner?!)
I really hope your house sells if that's what you guys feel that you should do, HOWEVER, it would be great if you stayed so that I could get to know you better too.
Thanks for being such a great nursery teacher!
Shelby Robb
http://hope2adoptbaby.blogspot.com
I live in Michigan now but once lived in a ward in Provo that I did the same thing, came home and cried after RS. My new husband didn't know what was wrong with me. I think the problem is that people have their family close by and don't depend on each other. Here in this ward, my ward family IS my family because I'm from Seattle. (Oops, just realized Katie said the same thing I said.)
I bet you there are people there that feel the same way. You may be the catalyst for change in your ward!
Found your site from MSM...love that site...
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