Captain Hook

WARNING: This post is a bit graphic and contains graphic pictures.

So yesterday afternoon, I put Riley in his high chair in front of the TV in our bedroom to watch Baby Einstein so I could take a shower. I turned the shower on, threw my cell phone on the bed and got in. Well the shower was uneventful, like most peoples, but what followed could quite possibly the strangest story you have ever heard. Well when I opened the shower curtain the rod fell off the wall. So I dried off and then took the curtain off the rod and set it on the floor. I then took the rod, stood on the side of the tub and attempted to put the rod back up. The walls were wet from the shower I just took so I was unable to get the rod back on so I jumped, and by jumped I mean I literally jumped off the side of the tub onto the floor. Not such a big deal right? WRONG! Apparently I landed on one of the curtain hooks that was still attached to the shower curtain. My foot was hurting and looked down and the hook is HALF WAY into my foot. I started screaming and freaking out. I am BUTT NAKED and there is no way to get clothes on, my hair is soaking wet and I need to get someone to help me. So I gathered up the shower curtain and with my leg bent at a 90 degree angle I hopped to the bed and called 911. When the operator answered I was screaming so loud he couldn't understand me. I finally got through to him what happened and that I needed help. However, every time he asked me a question, like my address for example, I would say it is 3920 W. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and then not finish. There was snot running down my face and I was balling. Ok so this guy now has my name, phone number, address, code to my garage so they can get into my house and he knows I am butt naked and have a baby with me. I asked him to call Jeff so he could meet me at the hospital. I give him Jeff's cell phone number and the guy comes back and says, "Ma'am there was no answer. It went straight to voicemail." Which means, Jeff IGNORED the call. Figures...he doesn't answer calls when he doesn't know the number. So I give him Jeff's desk # and explain if he doesn't answer it will go to the receptionist and she can track him down. So the guy comes back a few minutes later and tells me my husband is on the way to the hospital. Ok so my next freak out is where the heck are the people responding to this call. I am in so much freakin' pain and I just want them to come help me. So he double checks and says they are just around the corner. I hear the garage open and I am like ooo ooo they are here I heard the garage. So these like 6 EMT/Sheriff's walk around the corner and I blurt out "I am NAKED and you are in my ward!!!" This one firefighter is like yes I am in your ward...WOW talk about embarassing! So these guys come over and cover me with blankets and look at me and say, "What the HECK is that and how did you do it?" So I attempt to explain the story again but I am still freaking out and screaming and using some choice words. I keep begging them to just help me becase it hurts so bad. Well the cut the shower curtain off the hook so I only have one hook in my foot and not the whole shower curtain hanging off of me. (This probably takes a good 20 min) They keep telling me to breath because I guess I am screaming and yelling so much I am hyperventalating. So they bring in this chair thing and strap me to it and wheel me out of the house. Pretty much the whole neighborhood is outside waiting to see what has happened. They put me on a stretcher and I yell out again I am butt naked because the only thing I have on is a hospital gown and everyone is standing there watching me. So you think the story ends there right? WRONG again. They put me in the ambulance, my sister in law Angie shows up and takes Riley, and we head off to the hospital. I still have NO pain meds. The guy in the back with me tells me that he is going to try and get an IV in so they can start feeding me meds. Well let me just tell you after 2 UNSUCCESSFUL attempts he is like we are almost there I'll just let them do it. Ok so this thing has been in my foot for like an hour and a half by now and I am in excruciating pain. Don't worry I am still screaming in the ambulance, and am yelling at the guy to drive faster. We finally make it there and the nurses are waiting for me. They get me put in a room, Jeff shows up like a minute later, and then his mom, and sister with Riley and his niece. The nurse gets an IV started, the Dr. comes in and talks to me. I am like are you going to numb me before you take this out because it hurts so bad, they inform me they are going to put me to sleep to take it out! Halalujea!! This has to be the best news of the day and possibly my life at this moment. So they drug me up with Morphine and tell me the Dr. just needs to get everything ready and then they will take it out. All these nurses keep walking by and asking me if they can look because they have never seen anything like it before. So big surprise, I am the freak show of the hospital. Well the Dr. finally comes in, gives me this white medicine that puts me to sleep for like 5 min. I wake up and it's out, still hurts like crazy but it's out! So finally after 4 hours of craziness I am allowed to go home. I've got my foot wrapped. I'm NOT allowed to put ANY weight on it and I have to go see a podiatrist on Monday at 3. Crazy, huh? I am pretty sure I am the only person in the world to have a shower curtain hook go through my foot...